How To Quickly Get Out Of A Lost Love?

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How To Quickly Get Out Of A Lost Love?

What can we do to better cope with the loss of love and recover from it more quickly? Here we share with you 6 steps.

Step 1: Recovering emotionally is the primary goal

In the initial stages of a breakup, which can be a few days to a week, our primary goal – is to focus on taking care of our emotional state. Although we say that a breakup is a great opportunity for introspection and growth, just a few days after the breakup, if the mood swings are particularly violent, then do not overly reflect on their problems in the relationship.

As we said earlier, with violent mood swings, our brain gives all its resources to the emotional system, and our cognitive level at that time is not suitable for any deep thinking, otherwise, we may fall into excessive rumination and make us depressed.

At this stage, don’t repress yourself, go ahead and release your emotions to your heart’s content, do the things you love to do (except obsess about your ex), and get your emotional state back up is the primary goal at this stage.

It’s important to have one or more of your most trusted people around at this time, their company can somewhat compensate for the sense of intimacy and connection we just lost – no need for them to give any advice or to evaluate your ex, just be there for you, it’s very enough.

Step 2: Stay away from sources of irritation

If your emotional state is particularly unstable, then be sure to minimize the direct stimulation of your brain by ex-related information. For example: blocking each other’s friend circle completely for a while, not following any information related to him, not going to places you used to go – staying away from the source of stimulation can help us cool down that part of the craving related to dopamine as early as possible.

You may be worried: I want to get back, do not look at each other’s status, will miss the important information related to him?

But the truth is, if you are in a state of emotional slavery, you can’t pick up even the other party’s important message, but instead you may mess things up and push the other party further and further away – always remind yourself that getting back in good shape is the first step.

Step 3: Find a healthy alternative

As mentioned earlier, the pain of falling out of love is explained from a neuroscientific point of view because the kind of reward that made you feel good is suddenly gone, and our brain is completely unable to adapt and produces great discomfort – from this line of thought, as long as we give the brain the alternative reward it wants, it may be able to help ease the pain of this withdrawal.

This is why many people get drunk or find one-night stands after a breakup, because these activities stimulate dopamine production, giving us a sense of pleasure and temporarily relieving our pain. But in the long run, such alternative rewards may not be very healthy.

We can try to find some healthier alternatives: including meeting and shopping more often with good friends, getting a dog, and meeting some new friends who recognize you, all these activities may allow the brain to re-release pleasure hormones.

Another very noteworthy one is to make sure to exercise more – because exercise increases the level of serotonin in our brain, which is another hormone that makes us happy and can help us reduce anxiety and depression and improve cognition.

Step 4: Interrupt excessive rumination

Every partner who has experienced a breakup will have this experience: even if I do break the connection, but will still be thinking every day: did he love me or not? He will not come to me? He is not a new love? Excessive rumination is dangerous and will drag you into a vortex of negative emotions that will not only affect your recovery rate but even make you depressed.

When we can’t help ourselves, the fastest and most direct way is to give ourselves a little direct stimulation. For example, we can imagine a giant red fork in our mind and the sound of the alarm dripping; or just take a bite of chili sauce or mustard, so spicy that your own eyes drop tears; or take a piece of ice out of the freezer and freeze it in your mouth so that your teeth hurt – this direct stimulation can directly pull our attention back to the present moment, thus helping 1. When we can not extricate ourselves, the fastest and most direct way is to give ourselves a little direct stimulation.

Step 5: Rebuild the Habit

Breakups are not only painful upfront, they are often followed by a lot of energy. When we think we’ve been relatively calm emotionally, it can still come out unannounced and send us to hell. For example, it is difficult to avoid the “touchy-feely”.

The partners who have been in love, more or less have some common experience of the environment, such as together to go to the city playground, these common memories of the environment will not disappear in our lives.

We know that the reason for touching the scene is because we associate the place with the specific person who is our ex. To change this association, we need to habitually associate the place with some other person or thing – that is, to create new experiences and memories in the same place as others, to focus on the newly created memories, and replace the previous ones.

For example, if we can’t continue the habits we developed with our exes after we break up, we will feel a huge void. We can create new habits to replace the previous ones.

For example, the original will be in the evening before bed and boyfriend phone half an hour, then we can be in this fixed time and girlfriends or parents phone half an hour, or to the family, cat combing half an hour, or fixed to do a special thing they like, when the new habit of this time fixed to maintain two or three weeks, our sense of emptiness will be greatly improved.

Step 6: Read some philosophical books

A person at a low point is often the most motivated to think about life, we might as well make good use of this stage as an opportunity to grow. Some good philosophical books can help us jump out of the small love obsessions and think about the bigger picture below.

Here are two recommended books that discuss the meaning of life in the form of stories, you can try. One is “Tuesday with Morrie” by Mitch Albom, and the other is “man search for meaning” by Victor Frank.

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